The Moment That Changed My Sobriety

Jen Moves Forward
Dec 10, 2020
3 min read

Updated: Dec 24, 2020

This has been the hardest but most rewarding experience.

Did you know alcohol is one of the only drugs you can die from while detoxing? I've talked to people who are considering quitting but didn't know that it can be extremely dangerous to detox from alcohol. Everyone is different and there's no formula that determines how your body will react. So please, if you are thinking about quitting, talk to a medical professional first to discuss the risks and signs of things like DTs and seizures.

Also, if you're reading this thinking well damn, I don't have that big of a problem! Think about this, if you're reading this blog you're either a friend or you've thought about quitting. If you've contemplated quitting, there must be a reason and that shouldn't be ignored. You don't have to have a problem to quit, you don't have to be an alcoholic to have a problem with alcohol.

My story might sound familiar but it might look completely different and that's okay. Remember we're all little sober snowflakes in this journey and everyone's path is different.

My first time quitting looked nothing like my last time quitting. Yes, I've quit more than once, multiple attempts actually. I wish I could have declared "I'm sober!" and birds would sing, rainbows would appear, and I would never drink again! As I'm sure you've discovered by now, sober or drunk, life is still hard. I like to make it less hard now by not being a hungover zombie half the time.

My last hoorah was months after I sought help and I was in a short lapse. I felt like such a failure. I was openly sober on social media and I had support from my family and friends. It was right when the pandemic hit. I had been really sick and I wasn't able to get to therapy which was my weekly checkpoint. While I acted like I was rocking sobriety what I hadn't told anyone was that I still woke up every day feeling like I was pushing a boulder up the mountain, lil' Sisyphus over here, and asking God "WHY ME?". What a great way to start the day. I still felt like my sobriety was a punishment so when things got hard, I threw up my hands and got the biggest box of Sauvignon Blanc I could find.

Every night I was drinking wine, vowing in the morning it was my last time. On Thursday I woke up hungover and desperate. I did not want to keep drinking. Annie Grace's book This Naked Mind had just arrived and was laying on my counter, untouched by this guilt ridden momma. My daughter, 9, who had just gotten back from a stay at her dads picked it up and read the title out loud "This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness, & Change Your Life". We quickly exchanged glances, I looked away. She then said something that changed my life. "Mom, I know you have a drinking problem, I don't judge you." At that moment I made a choice. I looked at this young girl who should never have had to muster up the courage to say something so mature to her struggling mother and said "What do you think about it? How does it make you feel?"

I could have done what I've been doing for years, I could have changed the subject or swept it under the rug. I chose to be creative and look at this situation as an opportunity for healing. That was April 10th of this year. I've lived every day since with a new purpose, we should not suffer alone, we need to talk about this.

If you're in the beginning, it does get easier. There will always be challenges but those challenges make you stronger. They build the muscles it takes for longevity, this is a marathon, not a sprint! I hope you found this helpful, relatable, and maybe made you feel a bit more connected. We can do incredible things if we keep trying. You can do this friends!

Best, Jen

Links to resources that ha:

www.recoveryelevator.com

www.smartrecovery.org

Literature I consumed like crazy:

"This Naked Mind" By Annie Grace

Buy it here: https://thisnakedmind.com/this-naked-mind/

"How to Grow and Addict: A Novel" By J.A. Wright

Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/How-Grow-Addict-J-Wright/dp/1631529919

"Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions" By Russell Brand

Buy it here: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/33932358-recovery

"Alcohol is Sh!t" By Paul Churchill